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Thursday 20 December 2012

Surviving the Apocalypse



My Choose Your Own Apocalypse  Blogfest entry



So what have I done to ensure my survival to fast coming apocalypse? 

I uprooted myself from my homeland to move to the most geologically stable continent on the Planet.  I have, therefore put myself out of harms reach of earthquakes.  I reside in the lightly populated area of North Queensland in Australia, a full two hours drive from the largest city in the area, Cairns.

I have put myself behind the great barrier reef and live 900m above sea level (about 3000ft), 60 km inland, limitng the impact of both flood and tsunami.

I live in a tropical area thereby bypassing the need for heating my home, and keeping myself out of harms way for any sudden beginning to a new ice age.

Also, by living in the southern hemisphere, the trade winds will keep the bulk of the nuclear radiation away from my house, should the northern hemisphere self destruct in a series of nuclear fireballs.

By moving to an underpopulated area of the globe, I also don't expect the Aliens to bother targeting this area, they'll be after the military and nuclear powers.  Australia doesn't rank.

Geographically, I have done well.

However, the Apocalypse won't be any of those.  The way my luck runs I'll be attacked by an army of starving man eating zombies. 

If that's the case, and I'm facing down such a horde, I suspect, to quote one of the post WWIII films to come out of the eighties, the survivors will envy the dead.  In order to ensure that I do not suffer long from such unfortunate envy, I have kept myself nice and fat, to be an attractive feast for such an army.

I also hope to meet a vampire first, so that instead, I'll be commanding the horde instead of being eaten by it.  To that end, I'm using my blog to advertise for such a meeting.

If you are a vampire and are in need of a reasonably smart, problem solving lackey, be sure to contact me through this blog, so that a meeting can be arranged at your earliest convenience.

The truth is, this end of days will be probably be marked by the birth of the antichrist, or peraps its creation- either through genetic maipulation, natural evolution or even the construction of the first true computer AI.  Which means we still have time to do something about it.

20 comments:

  1. You have certainly done well keeping yourself safe! I'm in the foothills and prepared to flee into the mountains, but I'm sitting right between three major military bases, so I've made a large mistake there. I'll pass along your plea to a few vampire friends of mine.

    Thank you for participating!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    1. thanks Shannon. Near military bases is a two edged sword. I mean, if anyone can protect you, it'll be them, plus you may be able to find weapons, fuel and ammo should they actually get destroyed and you survive to return.

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  2. One word - zombies. And thanks for having fun with your blog post. I didn't sign-up for serious, religious, political end of the world rants.

    Precious Monsters

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    1. Jolie, if I was a true believer, you ay well have gotten that. Happilly, I'm not. Besides, the whole Zombie thing is a rediculous thought, but one I knew I could have fun with.

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  3. That sounds like the ideal location. Let's see if being in the Rockies makes our chances any better in the states. Cold outside, too. Maybe it will slow the zombies down. :)

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    1. well the heat here will make them much harder to fight. After all, we'd need plenty of water.

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  4. Impressed by your geographical safety measures!

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    1. it just worked out that way. I do know people who have moved here because of it's location. I moved here because of a woman.

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  5. You are safe... for now... Muhaha!

    Did we make it?
    My link is dead, I ask again did we make it?
    [Visit my post for that to make sense]

    Great end of the world post!!
    Jeremy [Retro]
    Oh No, Let's Go... Crazy

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  6. Are there vampires down under? Hope they find you before the zombies.

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    1. I'm sure there's an aboriginal legend or two...

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  7. Hahahaha--great post! I love the way you think--provide enticing attraction for man-eating zombies so one gets eaten quickly, while they're still hungry and not in the mood to play with their food, and hope for a vampire first. The ad, by the way, is spot-on. I have no doubt you'll have plenty of offers :) Excellent entry for the Apocalypse blogfest--so glad I found it!

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    1. Welcome any time, Guilie. I haven't yet had any offers, but I'll let you know how it goes.

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  8. Realistically, I think it will be a long drawn out process of decay and deterioration caused by our own misuse, until man finally dies out from exposure, malnutrition and disease. But I love the idea of The Rapture best.

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    1. Makes being a vampire seem sensible, does it not?

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  9. You can run, but you can't hide! ;-p

    Cataclysm, war, pestilence - one way or another, sooner or later, they'll make their way to your door. The best you can do is make life enjoyable, rather than a half-life of mere survival.

    Like your tactic of vampires ruling the zombie hoard, though! ;-)

    SueH (I Refuse To Go Quietly!)

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    1. well, someone's got to. Otherwise wouldn't the zombies turn on themselves for food?

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  10. That's a great twist on the apocalypse and if you find someone to make you a vampire...please gfeel free to look me up.

    Thanks for playing and come get your badge.

    Chuck

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    1. I'm not sure you'd want me to look you up, but I'll certainly keep that in mind.

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