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Tuesday, 25 December 2012

How the Klutz Killed Christmas

Or.. Slaughtering the Spirit of the Season
Or.. What Not to do at Christmas

There's a lesson here I'm sure.  Too bad I'm an idiot.

You see. it started yesterday, with an accident.  I wasn't the one who caused it, but I made the situation worse.

We were using a somewhat iffy table to have our Christmas tree in the window shining out over the driveway.  Near the table was a fridge and freezer.  In searching for the Christmas ham in the freezer, my wife bumped the table and the leg gave way.  This smashed a couple of porcelain cookie jars, but it didn't collapse the table.

I decided to help.  I noticed the power cords for the tree slung over the curtain rod.  I thought this was a bad thing, so I went to grab the tree.  I lifted it off the half collapsed table, not realising there were gifts under it.  These were more porcelain cookie jars to complete the collection and were for my wife.  Naturally, the tree was only thing holding them up, removing the tree meant they too smashed to the floor.

Well, it went to shit from there.

To make matters worse, on an extremely limited budget, I bought her a gift that I thought she would both appreciate and use, completely forgetting that we had already obtained one several months back.  I had forgot because I rarely ever see it.

She did extremely well.  Gave me a gift that I will always treasure, and one I am proud to call mine.  If I ever get another desk job, its going to occupy a prominent place on my desk.

I singlehandedly destroyed the Christmas spirit at my house, as completely as if I'd shot it repeatedly with a tommy gun.

Sometimes I wonder why my wife still stays with me, and I'll wager she's wondering why too if the silence tonight is any indication.

She's been with me ten years.  Christmas and I have never really gotten along, and I have never learnt from my Christmas mistakes.  I suck at it.  I always have; its my worst holiday.  I'm much better at national holidays, where independence or nationhood is celebrated.  Or Halloween.  Or Thanksgiving- though I moved to a country that doesn't celebrate it.  If I have a bit of cash, I'm even good at Valentines day.

But Christmas?

Bah, Humbug.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. You didnt mention that those smashed gifts were my ONLY gifts and how I feltlike an intruder at another family's Christmas breakfast. Everyone opening their gifts and I'm sitting there with nothing. The you want me to get excited by a little travel pillow, when there is one on the shelf in full view. Like I was NOT in the mood for a pillow, could NOT see the funny side of it even when we never go anywhere to use it and the original one is like an ornament gather dust. Of course I'd want another one.When the store you bought it from has so much that I would love in it.. hmm No it was stupid and thoughtless. Or else you don't really know your wife or as I was thinking, you just don't care enough. That was why I was quiet and upset. If you want to air our private life!!!!!!

    2. You're right. It was stupid and thoughtless. Like usual.

      I posted this to do two things. First, to take full responsibility for what happened. And second, to learn from it in the hope I never do anything like it again- hopefully.

  2. Tragic...but it makes a great story, and one that's going to age well in memory! And there's no lack of love anywhere in there, which is what the Christmas spirit really is about. :)

  3. Norman Rockwell you set an impossible standard,all those picture perfect poses. I also try to do Christmas well and now only allow 1 blame, if you want to blame me more I refuse to accept it. I did not know you wanted to go xmas shopping, but that was 3 weeks ago and you have had more opportunities since, yes I got your gift ,one of the things you asked for and no it is not my fault if you didn't get me one, I don't expect it and am not upset.
    Merry Christmas anyway

  4. I have to agree with Colleen. It's totally gutting when you go to all that effort and it all goes horribly wrong, but love is more important than presents. Hope you guys are having a better day today.