Birthday

The 8th marks another year deeper into my 40s.  My hair is now almost completely white- not grey, and I haven't lost any.

My life has taken many unpredictable twists and turns over the years.  One thing I'd never imagined 20 years ago is living and working in Australia, a dual citizen.

I understand that a life can change in a heartbeat- or -in my case, a lack of one.  On February 18, 2002, my first wife passed away at the age of 40- just shy of her 41st birthday, from her second heart attack.  She died, at home.  Alone.  But it was very fast.  I have been told that the myocardial (apologies for spelling) infarction that killed her was so sudden, she would have been dead before she hit the floor.

That was the moment that changed my life.

The greiving process was bad for me.  I was on a downward and vicious spiral of alcohol abuse.

It was the Wife that pulled me out.

I met her online, and, I think, I was lucky to do so.  There is a story here, but I hope she tells it.  I still don't know how exactly we hooked up.  But I am damn glad we did.

And so, because she is Australian, I packed up the stuff I wanted to keep, and sold the rest and moved down under.

In my thirties, and in Australia, I went on to do what I never did in my twenties.  I became a property owner- only to have house wiped out in a fire. I was insured, however, and new house rose from the ashes of the old.  I also became a responible member of society, having and hanging on to a job for multiple years.

There is one thing I haven't done.  I haven't had children.  I even specifically made sure, before I fell love with the Wife, that she couldn't.  I committed myself to the childless lifestyle.

Or did I?

The Wife wants once again to have children in her house (she has children of her own).  To that end we have had an interview yesterday with the department of children services.  We are going to foster.  This means we'll have children under the age 5 living us for time periods that may be brief, or border on permanent.

I am not sure I'm ready.

I am not sure it isn't also past time.

It may be time to share a small part of myself with a child, and genuinely make a difference to someone.  I feel a need to do something.  Maybe its just part of getting older.