Moving: On and On and On and...

You get the idea...

This just doesn't end.  And now I'm out of money for the remainder.

The series of disasters that have plagued this move is endless. 

It begins with the bank having need of our house, this is due to a rather prolonged period of unemployment.  Then my car's emergency brake failed, and rolled from a centre park, across one lane of traffic and into a post, bashing the front end of it.  Not enough to kill it, but it did cost time and money to have it repaired.

Two of my dogs have come down with paralysis ticks.  These ticks poison pets, and taking them to the vets costs hundreds of dollars per incident.

My favourite cat has vanished. he's been weeks gone now.  I suspect he's dead from a tick.  Another has been missing for several days.  I fear she's gone too.

In returning fro the new house (In a trip fraught with trailer delays), the car my wife was in breaks down in a small town hundreds of ks from anywhere.  It cost time and money, as she had to stay overnight in this small town.

Items have been broken, and things have gone to shit.

The latest is borrowing a ute (pickup for my American friends) and borrowing a trailer,  in an attempt to move the stuff myself, and proceeding to damage both in a tragic jackknifing incident that happened when I tried to reverse the ute with the trailer still attached.

The whole thing is fucked.

I figure I'm about 20% moved.  I can't hire a truck, and I can't seem to get out of this place.  It may well be the last thing I ever do.  I have to go.  I don't have a choice.  And I've got a job, but its hours away from here.

It's like I'm battling an evil spirit or something.  Seriously, the place has got its teeth in me, and I'm not being permitted to leave.  And every time I try, I bleed a little more.

The stress of it is taking its toll.  Its effecting my decision making abilities.  I'm tired all the time.  I'm having trouble focusing, yet I know, the longer this goes on, the less likely I'll be financially, physically and emotionally capable of actually moving.  Any moments of merriment are snatched away almost before I can laugh reflexively.

Moving sucks chocolate salty balls at best.  And this move is the worst I've ever experienced, not only had it cost me time, its also cost me every cent I've got and its cost emotionally.

I can tell you I don't want to go on.  But I must.  As the Aussie band "The Angels" have said, "I've got to get out of this place, if its the last thing I ever do.."

Making it stop, I guess that's up to me.

Fuck me dead.

It's Been a Long Time

I don't know if any of you still follow this blog, or even give rat's ass about anything I have to say.  But I have had a disturbingly lot going on in the 7 months, including but not limited to, the loss of my crappy job, the loss of my house, severe depression, anger, fear and sadness. 

Blogging does help me deal with depression, and while thought about it a dozen times, I couldn't bring myself to write about it.  Indeed, thoughts of self destruction took precedence.  I had it planned, even managed to get rid of the wife for a few days to do it.  My plan was simple.  A sharp knife across the throat would have take care of it.

So.  Why didn't I do it?

I was watching tv, my inability to cope with my life had me try to find escape wherever I could.  I descended into the tv and video games.  Much to my wife's disgust.  Anyways, while I was watching, I saw a commercial for mantherapy.org.au  and I learnt a few things.  I'm in the second most at risk age group in Australia.  My circumstances are the common reasons within that demographic.

I spoke to people by phone, and got my shit straightened out, more or less, because I'm still here.

Still breathing; and yeah, still smoking. It helps me cope.

So I'm up late tonight, smoking too much and watching Die Welle (The Wave).  The Wave is based,  loosely, on a genuine experiment by a high school teacher about fascism.  He used his class as a test group.  This German film is scarier, and more disturbing than the original which ran as an after school special on tv when I was a kid.  Its worth watching.

So, what's upcoming in Torggil's World?

I'm starting a new job in a few weeks.  Followers of this blog will know I've done it before.  I'm going back to taxi driving.  This time in Townsville.

More than just the town the Powerpuff team rescues on that show, It's actually a real city, in tropical north Queensland.  So I may change the name of the Blog to Torggil's Nights, or something. I'm going to try to do something on it every week. 

When the Eddard game starts back up, I hope to post more adventures as well. 

Also, the Australian Federal Election is coming up.  I know I have a take or two on that.

So hang ten everyone.  As soon as this move is over, I'll be back.  Regularly, I hope.