A Driving History Interlude: The Rental, 2007 Dodge Magnum (AKA: The Time I Tried to Kill the Wife)

Christmas 2006.  I'd been in Australia for 3 years, and it was time to go back to back to Canada.  With a little help from step daughter, The Wife and I packed for a three week stint in Canada.

For me, as you well know, being mobile is important to me as I had already 8 vehicles in 13 years- or a different car every 18 months.  So we packed off to the rental outfit.  They had one of these.  Now this is a pretty cool vehicle, I have to say.  And nothing like the Chryslers we have access to in Australia.  (We only get the crappy ones like Journeys and Calibres). Decent power.  Good ride.  Heaps of cargo room.  I just failed to take two very important things into account when I saw this car.  One: There wasn't quite enough leg room in the front and 2: more importantly, it was rear wheel drive.

Anyways, Christmas and New Years passed, and one day The Wife tells me that my brother had been making noise.  See, we couldn't really afford to stay at a hotel so we were staying at his place.  I think we were cramping his style.  So I briefly planned this road trip.  I should have learned something in all my years of driving in Canadian Winter.  I should have learned from my Rear Wheel drive experiences in Edmonton, what with sand bags in the boot of the diplomat and tbird.  I should have learned from driving back from Vancouver in January, because, you know what?  We were going to the mountains.  Living in the tropics for 3 years must have given me a bit of winter amnesia.

The day started out okay, if a bit late.  We left about noon, 2 or three hours later than I actually intended.  Daylight is critical here, because in January there might 7 hours total of daylight.  And our first stop was near Nordegg.  This old mining town is about 3 and half  hours away from Edmonton, in the high foothills of the Rockies.  It was going to be great.  We went to get pictures of a frozen waterfall.  And it remains a very special place to me.

The trouble is, we got to the falls just on dusk.  We should have stayed the night in Nordegg, or even Rocky, but I wanted to see the falls that day.  The Wife goes looking for her sunglasses, expensive sunglasses that I got her for the trip.  An interesting distraction, and comes important later.

Now, the turnoff to the falls is located about 10km out of town, and its another 7 or 8 km down a gravel road.  In the sunlight, the snow was actually melting here, the day was sightly warmer here then back in Edmonton.  In order to reach the falls, you have to drive down a steep descent for an 8 or 900 meter section of road, and as I said, we arrived just on dusk.  At the top of the hill, there more than a few vehicles parked.  It looked like a good day for the equestrian set up.

We drove down the hill to take some photos of the falls and walk around for a while, enjoying the winter.  As the sky darkened we knew it was time to go back up the hill.

One problem.

That slightly melting snow from earlier had turned to slightly frozen ice, only I didn't realize this.  We got in the car and off I drove up the hill.  Only, about half way up, the car lost traction.  And it started sliding a bit.  The rear end wouldn't quite stay stable so it was fishtailing a bit.  To keep the car from slamming into the trees or going off the side of the road, I had to stop applying power.  I would immediately lose any remaining forward momentum, and the car would stop.

So, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  So I did. Four or five times I tried, but I found that I was actually starting to lose ground.  Around about this time, The Wife starts going off.  How its been a horrible trip so far.  How she can't find her sunglasses.  It was around this point that with my typical wisdom and timing I asked her if she would get in the cargo bay of wagon.  You see, I didn't have any sandbags handy, and I thought more traction would be the key.

She didn't take kindly to that.  I think she may have thought I was referring to her as a bag.  She stormed out of the car and up the hill.  She was so pissed off in fact, it's a wonder the snow wasn't melting off the road from heat of her anger.

Well, I tried again, and with success eluding me, and leaving the back end of the car off the road with the bumper lovingly nestled against a tree, I decided I'd better go after her.

I walked up the hill to the equestrian park.  It was now almost completely dark, and the temperature was still dropping.  It was probably -5 or -6 centigrade.  All the vehicles were gone.

Except one.

I called and called her, thinking surely she hasn't tried the road to the highway.   She came out of the toilet, only fear had replaced anger.  We were completely alone, and there was no guarantee that anyone was coming for that remaining truck.. As psychotic as I've always felt it is, people do winter camp.  It was cold, especially for an Australian who's lived all her life in the tropics.

It wasn't so bad, at least until wind started picking up.

For the first time in my life I was confronted with a very real situation.  How to survive the cold?  I knew that we would have to get out of the wind, but we couldn't go back to the car because our one ticket out of the area was parked at the top of the hill.  I was starting to think about lighting a fire, and then realizing that I had quit smoking at the time and didn't even have a lighter.

Things weren't looking very good.  I said we'd better get out of the wind and started walking back to the toilet, the only real wind break we had when I heard noise coming from the trees.

The owners of the truck were finally coming back.  As they were loading their gear into the vehicle I came over to beg a ride to Nordegg from them.  The Wife was more embarrassed than I.  I think I was just glad they came back to the truck.  They drove us to town, and dropped us the town's one restaurant and motel.  They had a vacancy so I booked a room and asked them who I could call to get a tow.  It would have to be an outfit in Rocky Mountain House, 90 km distant.  I made the call and we had dinner while we waited.

The Wife went back to the room, and I went with the truck driver.  He put chains on his truck before going down the hill.  It took about 2 hours, but I got the car back to town and was relieved of about $400.  I liked the guy, so I had a beer with him.  All in all, I was away about 3 hours.  When I got back to the room, Lois was relieved to see me, so relieved in fact, she started yelling at me.  Upset that I had been back 1/2 an hour without telling her.  I told her I thought she would have been sleeping.  Truthfully, I didn't think I wanted her spending time with a hunky tow truck driver that rode in on a white truck and saved the day.

She still talks about the day as the one where I tried to kill her.  It couldn't be though.  I would never create a situation to kill her that would endanger my own life as well.  It wasn't deliberate.  It was far too stupid a situation for it to be deliberate.

We did, eventually, find her sunglasses, but only after buying a replacement pair of Bohle's in Banff from an Australian for $180.  I think Banff is the second largest colony of Australians outside of Australia.

We stayed a few nights in Canmore, drove to Emerald Lake in Yoho, visited Lake Louise, and even took a pregnant woman and her boyfriend across the Alberta BC border.  It was an amazing trip, and I made no further attempts on my wife's life.

Fantasy Fiction 3:

Captain Reese could see the two smoking boats turn tail and run.  She could also see quite clearly that her wingman was down, his dragon dying on the deck of the remaining ship.

She ignored the leaving vessels, keeping an eye on the bird that was flying over them.  She but her dragon into a dive and landed near the first,

“Hendel!” she called over the groaning of the sinking vessel,”let’s go!”  She held out a hand to help the young officer climb upon her mount.

“He’s dying,” he said, stricken with grief.  There was a crash as a piece from the superstructure slammed into the deck nearby.

“Hendel!” The ship groaned again, rear deck almost awash.  There were only moments to abandon ship.

Something inside him obeyed.  He took the hand.  As soon as he was safely aboard, she commanded her dragon to lift.  It screamed in rage at the dead comrade, even as the ship sank beneath the waves, it took all of Reese’s ability to control it

Reese decided to fly back to base.  Her dragon was reaching its limit.  The birds circled the smoking vessels.  Reese was glad she wouldn’t be fighting them.  She could see bodies floating in the water, and wondered if anyone was still alive.  She flew back towards the mainland.  She didn’t see the plane lift off from Sea Fire.  It was headed back this way, with the three escorts.

Hendel slumped against her, out of breath.  It was then that Reese noticed her hand was covered in blood.  Shit, he’s injured.  She asked for and got a little more out of her dragon, increasing their speed.

Behind her, the new plane landed at the wreck site, men in little boats went around looking at bodies and collecting things from them.  One of the escorts ignored the recovery operation, and followed her back to the mainland.  She knew the plane was there, but did nothing.  With an injured rider and a tired dragon, she believed there was nothing to do about it.  She was still two hours from the stables.

The armoured bird behind her crossed the shoreline, climbed a few thousand metres, then flew along the shore.  She lost sight of it after that.

The sun had begun to set when her tired eyes spotted the lights of the stables.  She pulled out the crystal and asked for a priest to be on standby when the dragon touched down.  Gently, she lay the lieutenant on the ground as a priest of Dratha came over and cast a healing spell on Hendel.  As the magic repaired the damage, a round, though flattened bit of metal came out of his side.

“He needs now to sleep,” the priest said quietly.”He will be up and around by morning.  Do you mind if I take this metal for study?”

“If you can learn something from it, by all means,” she replied, not really caring one way or the other.  Reese was casting her mind’s eye back to the dead dragon on the deck of that strange ship.  Half its belly was gone.  What destructive power these people must have. Where do they come from?  From the west.  But there’s nothing there, everyone knows that.  What if everyone is wrong?

Copyright 2012

A Driving History: Notes

You should know, because my Driving History saga is one of the most popular reads on my blog, that my Driving History only has 5 more vehicles.  They are, in order:

Interlude: The Dodge Magnum Rental- I forgot that this car comes before the supercharged Commodore.  I only drove it for 3 weeks on a trip back to Canada, and its one of the best stories.

2004 supercharged Commodore:  I Still own this car.

1995 VS Commodore SS Wagon: the purchase of an idiot

1995 Audi 80- Death of a car- the only Australian car I had that doesn't have a photo- I'll pull one from the net.

1989 Honda Prelude: I still own this car

That said.  It is likely that I'll be replacing the prelude this year or next,  she seems to be on her way out.  Maybe I'll ask my readers to take a vote.

It is a real shame that I don't have more vehicles to offer.

On a side note, I've had over 500 hits on my blog.  Thank you very much for being apart of things so far. 

April A to Z starts in about 10 days, and I hope you are looking forward to reading my works as much as I'm looking foward to the challenge.

A Driving History 10: The 2003 Holden One Tonner

This was a good ute.  Check it out folks,you won't see one like this in Canada.  Half car, half tray back pickup.  A beautiful looking machine.  Powered by a 3.8L V6, 4 speed auto, and a more leg room in the car than in any vehicle I've ever been in.  Complete with bullbar and tow bar.

There are a couple of stories regarding this one, beginning with its purchase.  The Ford longreach was pissing me off because I could never run the AC.  I became as tired of that as I was tired of the endless 38 centigrade days, 8 months of the year.  So one day, I drove to the big smoke to look at cars.  They had a 2003 one tonner, with 52,000ks on it, on the lot.  So I thought I'd have a look.

I liked it, and at the time, The Wife said,"If you must own a two door, buy a ute." 

Well, a ute wasn't something I wanted.  Because if you own one, you have friends, but the trouble is, they're always moving.  I would have preferred a coupe.  But a ute like this is a 2 seater, so at least it doesn't encourage passengers. 

Anyways, I went to the big smoke.  And I test drove a couple of utes, including a manual  which I promptly stalled in an intersection, in the city.  Had to get the stepson to drive it back to the dealership.  Anyways, I wanted to buy it.  and they quoted me over $27000.  No towbar.  No bullbar.  They didn't want to put that on the car, so I walked away.

The dealership called me as I drove from the city, trying to convince me to buy.  I turned em down flat.  When we got home, I did what all responsible car buyers do.  I got on the internet.

I'll be damned if there wasn't a red one for sale in Brisbane, complete with bullbar and tow bar.  Price?  $22990.  Kms? 53000.  A savings of over $4000.  I essentially purchased it sight unseen.  One problem, they wanted the Ford ute as a trade in.  I had to drive to Brisbane.  1500kms away.

Naturally, this was January, the wet season.  The stepson and I decided to go.  We drove to Brisabne starting at 6am.  We drove through Ayr and Home Hill, and promptly stopped at Yellow Gin Creek, it was way over.  It held us up for four hours.  We only made it as far as Childers.  We got to Brisbane the following day.  We spent it hanging out with The Wife's ex.  He and I get along alright, so it wasn't a big deal.  It was the day after Australia day.  I closed the deal on the ute on that day.  Saturday, it was time to come home.  I had to be in Ayr because The Wife's brother was being married that Sunday.  We started at 4am.  1500kms later, we arrived in Ayr.  It was 10pm that night, AC on all the way.

The Wife was pleased with that ute.  The cat, not so much.

The first year I owned it, I discovered a flaw with utes, that is to say, for cat owners.  I had this grey cat, and he used to be the first to greet me when I come home from work.  One morning, I went to work.  Naturally, I took the ute.  Unbeknownst to me, the cat was asleep in the tray.  I got half way to work when the cat appeared in my review mirror. Then he disappeared.  I slammed on the brakes and pulled over immediately.

But he wasn't on the road.  I couldn't find him at all.  I worked out that he must have fallen through the gap between the tray and the cab.  I was as worried as all get out.  I looked for him as long as I could.  Calling him.  He never came.

For three days I walked to the corner where he disappeared, calling him the whole time.  I never saw him.

The morning of the fourth day, I woke in the wee hours to find him kneading my chest, purring.  He had come home.  He was uninjured.

Next Driving History: The 2004 Supercharged Commodore.

Fantasy Fiction II

(Please keep in mind that this is a draft.  Things may change from to time, but don't worry.  There are no changes yet.  I invite comments and suggestions)

She pulled out her communication crystal.  "Captain Reese calling Colonel Talen,"

"Go ahead, captain." The voice of her colonel came through her mind like he was riding behind her.
"Discovered smoke on the horizon, before I was able to investigate, I saw a, well, something, flying towards us.  It is now moving away from me at speed, to the smoke."

"Show me," Captain Reese held up the crystal, "is it a bird?"

"Don't think so sir."

"Learn what you can, Captain. Defend yourself if necessary."

"Sir," she said, replacing the crystal.



Commander Jecker stood up on the bridge of Sea Fire, the navy's only battleship carrier hybrid, thinking about the nature of the mission handed to the ship.  "Go out and circumnavigate the globe.  Our navy will be the first to do it."  Because the country wasn't at war with anyone art the moment.  They'd given the Captain a resupply ship and a destroyer class escort.

Everyone knew the continent was the only land in the world.  The fact that they have sailed east for seven days and nights without seeing a trace of land seemed to prove it.  Today, something was coming, flying out of the North East.  It wasn't moving like an airplane.  More like something alive...

At it came closer, he could see monstrous wings beating the air, and a tail that stretched out behind it.  A massive set of jaws opened and closed once, with a puff of smoke.

He raised his binoculars.  There's something...no someone on its back. What the fuck?

Training took over, "Sound battle stations, Captain to the Bridge," he said.

"Aye, Sir."  The Lieutenant responded.  Klaxons blew.  

On the foredeck,  Jecker could see crew scrambling to man the guns and AA batteries.  He continued giving orders."Order all ships to battle stations.  Recall scouts.  Target airborne at 1030."

The door to the bridge opened and Captain Carlyle entered,"Status?"

"Captain.  Unknown approaching airborne at 1030.  It looks like some kind of monster, sir."

The captain lifted binoculars to his eyes."Fuck me.  Ensign.  Order all guns fire when its in range."

Commander Jecker, still looking through binoculars interjected,"Sir there appears to be someone riding it."

"Commander, that's a monster, a threat.  I'm shooting it down.  Ensign!"

"Aye aye Sir,"

The deck guns swiveled to meet the threat and within seconds, the AA batteries opened up.

As shells began to burst all around the monster, a deafening roar was heard above the noise, and it retracted its wings and dove at the destroyer.  Its machine guns opened fire, filling the crowded sky with tracer rounds.  The bullets didn't seem to worry it, however.  The monster made it inside the heavy AA cover.  Then the massive jaws opened wide and fire engulfed 2/3 of the vessel.  All of the forward machine guns fell silent.  And another round flame obscured the vessel.

"Avos C. Haler," the captain swore," those men are burning."

A deck stored torpedo exploded from the heat, blowing a massive hole in the superstructure of the ship.

A shell from the Sea Fire took the monster on its side.  The shaped charge exploded on contact, and the entire thing smashed onto the deck of the burning destroyer.  Roaring, and screaming, the monster was flopping around like a caught fish, in its death throes.  The destroyer, on fire, suffered another explosion.  A magazine went up.  The destroyer began to list.

"Order Seneschal come about 180, engines to full, head back to port.  Helm, come about 180, we'll cover her."

"Aye, Aye, sir."

"Captain, Alpha One is in sight sir, Shit," Commander Jecker cursed," There's another behind Alpha One."